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| So yet again nothing new that I haven't updated in awhile. My life has been a bit on the insane side. I go back to school Sunday for Spring quarter and I think I'm ready or a least ready to get out of this house. Things at home really arent the greatest. I'm just so afarid that I am going to screw up again. And now all the finincal buren of falling below full time is starting to hit. I feel like socitey looks down on me for doing what I think was the right decision. But o well it's just money. The pass week has been really rough. I was in the ER twice last week because of cramps. I was in Sandusky at the time so thankfully Jeremy was with me the whole time. I'm not sure how bad it would have been if he wasn't there. He is the most supportive man a woman could ask for. After a week of many drugs and doctor visits, it seems that it's all just hormones out of wack again, most likely caused by stress. Stress really who would have thought. Seem like everywhere I go I have another brick to add to my backpack. I've lost respect and trust for one of the people that should care about me the most, I feel like I don't have any place to call home anymore, and few people seem to understand.I know it's going to be okay though. God is going to pull me through and I'll be stronger because of it. Jeremy will be closer soon and that will make things quit a bit easier and hopefully focusing on school will help. O yeah and my guitar instuctor has a band he wants me to join (all girls) and says I could be ready in a month or two if I practice more. Sometimes I wonder how I get myself into this stuff..... | | |
| Losing Faith in Yourself
The key to the Christian life is faith-an implicit trust that God is who He says He is, has done what He says He has done, and can do what He says He can do. Faith is the entry point into God's kingdom as well as the fuel for an evergrowing spiritual bonfire blazing within our souls. Faith in God's ability is the catalyst to the God-written life, while faith in our own ability is the ultimate blockade to Christian growth.
Many of us are confident in ourselves. We feel, if given the chance we can prove our quality and scale God's Everest on our own. But as long as we have faith in ourselves, we can't have faith in God. So ask God to help you lose confidence in you won ablitly to imitate Him Allow Him to prove to you in no uncertain way that you are totally and completely unable to scale His Everest. And request that He show you how desperately you need a Savior and a Helper to complete His course. The sooner you stop trusting in you own ability, the sooner God will be able to begin working in and through your life.
~When God Writes Your LIFE Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
This really hit me because with everything that has been going on with my life lately I've haven't totally given everything over to God. I keep praying and journaling that I will but I don't always. I have to much faith in my self that I have to prove to God that I can do what He wants. I just have to have faith in him to take care of things and carry me up His Everest. Matt 21:21-22 "Then Jesus told them I assure you , if you have faith and don't doubt you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountian, "May God lift you up and throw you into the sea," and it will happen. If you believe, you will recieve whatever you ask for in prayer.'"
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| Hey long time no entry as usual.But today I made a pretty big descsion
that I guess deserves an entry. I withdrew from three of the four class
I am/was taking this quarter. Before you freak out it's okay, I just
need some time to regroup and get everything back to where it should
be. I've just had a lot of emotional stress lately. I'll be back to
full time in the spring and hopefully ready to kick butt. I really have
be blessed with the people in my life to help me get through this
because at first I felt stupid. And Jeremy your the greatest, you
listen to me even when I'm annoying myself. So for the next 5 weeks I
will be taking one class and commuting from home. I really feel like
God is begging for some more of my time and I'm ready to give it to Him
so I can see the amazing things He has planned. I'm not going to work
more or try to fill my time with anything, I just need to chill for
awhile and revieve myself.
Jeremy you are my knight in shining armor, I love you.
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| So I guess I should update since it's been awhile. Let's see, I didn't
really get anything super exciting for Christmas. I did buy myself a
new tatto which I love, and had two of the most important people in my
life with me when I got it(Jeremy and Jenny). The best thing about
break was that I got to spend a lot of time with Jeremy. I met his
family and I they actually like me even though I'm a little strange. I
even went shopping with his sister and mom, yeah I know, the things a
person does for love. :) No I acutally had a great time with them, and
would do it again in a heartbeat. Jeremy also got to spend some time
with my family and they all love him. My dad likes him that in itself
is a miracle. And he cook for us :). Spent new years with my
friends which was great to have everyone together as always.
I quit my job but you know me it couldn't just be that easy. They asked
me if I'd be willing to come back so I have meeting tomorrow to see
what is going to happen with that. It's been a lot of pray on that.
I've been trying to focus on school as much as possible but it's so
hard exspecially after a break. So that the all so informing update on
my life. I'm going to go pratice some gutair.
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| Wow so I'm having a wirlwind week. But first I have to say I'm in love
with the most amazing human guy I know. I LOVE YOU JEREMY! And that he
even amazed me more by putting up with me this week. I really don't
have much to complain about but I sure mange to do a lot of it. I think
a lot of things are just starting to wear down on me all at once, but I
know I have more than I deserve. Like for instance an incedible
boyfriend that loves me just the way I am, and can always make me
smile. And if he knew I was typing this right now would tell me to do
my homework and study so that's what I'm going to do.
And yes, Jenny, I know I've turn in to "one of them" but trust me it's so worth it.
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